Is the "Good Life" not.. Good enough?

Atelphobia; the fear of not being good enough.


I'm sure this fear runs rampant with..almost everyone,
especially my generation.
(Thanks society)
Sometimes, when i have the perfect situation i seem to find the one single way that is absolutely bound to ruin things. 
I hope that i'm not the only one that does this..
Because we all know misery loves company. 
Maybe i do it because i like to complain?
Or... the real fact of the matter probably is,
I am too big of a wimp to lay it all on the line and not have control of something.
Thus why I mess up my ideal "Good Life"
Every.
Single.
Time.
Or i could just be really mean, putting fancy names on a simple solution?
Probably.
I don't know, maybe the same people that say they hate drama
are actually the ones that thrive on it
and could it be, i'm codependent on something that throws my emotions on a roller coaster?
Probably, being normal all the time would be a new level of boring.
Who wants to "keep up with the Jones"
I want excitement, and adventure, and not knowing what happens next.
But on the flip side i hate not being in control. 
It's a twisted life.


But in the end, i think all i want is for that one person that i'm pushing away, to stay. 
To not leave when i do the coward thing and push them out. 
I want a person that put's up with the crazy that is me.
That's throwing down a HUGE challenge i know.
But who knows,
Maybe,
Someone..will.
But i know, that in the end people won't stay when you push them away,
because,
Why should they?