Beauty is in the eye's of.... The public?

But, should it be?
I am sick and tired of hearing size two girls complain about their size.
It seems society is trying their absolute hardest to make girls believe that being bigger than a double zero puts you in the fat category.
That moment when you think to yourself "If i was skinnier" or "If i looked like her, then he would actually want to date me", it's a hard moment to cope with, and the only solution that seems to be available at that time is a vat of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, a lot of tears, and some romantic movie that lets you know for sure that you will in fact become the lady that considers her cats as children.
You've probably read that and your reaction was "Oh no, no mam, not me"
Well then, you're what i like to call lying to yourself.
Being a girl, you have moments of self doubt.
Maybe you don't, maybe this is all just me.
But I'm willing to bet; it's not.
Did you know Marilyn Monroe was near a size ten?
One of the greatest sex icons of all times bigger than a size zero?
Hard to believe right?
But yes, their was a time where being as skinny as a child was actually not the norm.
Where did all that thinking go?
Having curves should be a thing to be celebrated, not ashamed of.
Eating healthy is right, not starving yourself.
I think people need to focus on more what's inside of people that what the outside appears to be.
I am the average weight for my height, i work out but still have cellulite, I'm normal.
But somehow, i still feel like an oddity, I want to be able to change my thoughts from "You need to lose 60 pounds and then someone will love you" to "You are beautiful, and you don't need to care what others may think."
I really hope that one day girls just like me can accept their bodies, and actually learn to love them.

Is the "Good Life" not.. Good enough?

Atelphobia; the fear of not being good enough.


I'm sure this fear runs rampant with..almost everyone,
especially my generation.
(Thanks society)
Sometimes, when i have the perfect situation i seem to find the one single way that is absolutely bound to ruin things. 
I hope that i'm not the only one that does this..
Because we all know misery loves company. 
Maybe i do it because i like to complain?
Or... the real fact of the matter probably is,
I am too big of a wimp to lay it all on the line and not have control of something.
Thus why I mess up my ideal "Good Life"
Every.
Single.
Time.
Or i could just be really mean, putting fancy names on a simple solution?
Probably.
I don't know, maybe the same people that say they hate drama
are actually the ones that thrive on it
and could it be, i'm codependent on something that throws my emotions on a roller coaster?
Probably, being normal all the time would be a new level of boring.
Who wants to "keep up with the Jones"
I want excitement, and adventure, and not knowing what happens next.
But on the flip side i hate not being in control. 
It's a twisted life.


But in the end, i think all i want is for that one person that i'm pushing away, to stay. 
To not leave when i do the coward thing and push them out. 
I want a person that put's up with the crazy that is me.
That's throwing down a HUGE challenge i know.
But who knows,
Maybe,
Someone..will.
But i know, that in the end people won't stay when you push them away,
because,
Why should they?

The Girl Next Door? Or Something Else?

It's so hard to be peppy all the time.. yahhknow?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm no Debbie Downer or anything.. but I have my bad days as every normal person in this world does.
This being one of those days.
On that note you all better prepare yourselves this is my teen issues blog full of the normal teen angst.
Basically, I'm that girl, the girl next door. Not the hot one that all the boys pine for, but the sort of plain one that may be..overlooked shall we say in the shuffle of everyday life.
I'm only complaining right now because it seems to me that i must be a magnet that attracts the boys in the "Cool Hat Club"
For those of you that don't know what that is, allow me to break it down for you.
It's those guys, you know the ones that have the hat that advertises some sort of sport, with the straight bill, with (of course) that dumb gold sticker on the bill?
Their the athletes
The "It" guys.
The one that have "Supreme Swag" oozing from their heads down to their feet.
You get the picture... I hope.
What's wrong with getting involved with said "Cool Hat Club"?
These boys are just that, boys, in the end their only goal is to toot it and boot it.
I know this too, I don't know if their swag turns off my brain or what..
Every time it's the same story, different set of characters.
It all started when i started dating this boy in middle school,
It was a big step for me being the weird girl with a "fro" who wore no makeup.
He was way too cool for me, we started dating and.. stopped talking.
Since then things have gravitated downhill from there.
My parents are probably thrilled,
An eighteen year old daughter in college that never has a boyfriend?
I sure am making their job easy.
Not by choice mind you, if I had my way,
I would be the girl Jake kisses at the end of Sixteen Candles.
Or riding off into the sunset with Austin from Cinderella Story,
I could continue to insert sappy movie moments in this but I feel like you all probably get my drift.
I know what you're thinking;
"You're only eighteen, love will come later, blahh blahh blahh."
I am in no way looking for "love"
But someone that had a thing for me that was more real than a
"What up cutie" IM on Facebook would be..
Pretty fantastic.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see,
Who knows who will stumble into my life on a given day.
(You're proud of how positive that was)
.
..
...
Keep it classy America.

Love Blows, Big Time, but not all of the time..

Love has no rules,
no definitions,
nothing to dictate how it can be played out.
So why is it so difficult?
Maybe if you could define love it would be an easier concept to grasp.
So lets attempt it, Shall we?
the dictionary definition of love is;

a strong positive emotion of regard and affection;

any object of warm affection or devotion; 

have a great affection or liking for;

beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment

And believe it or not, there were hundreds more definitions there (you probably knew that,or you didn't..no judgements here)
With all these definitions floating around, no wonder everyone's so confused.
For some people love is sex, its lost to the meaning of lust.
To some it's friendship.
Or a new pair of shoes (this would be my definition of love)
or children, or even something simple like the smell of a new book.
Love is something we all share, yet the definition is different to every single person on this earth.
&& at some point in our lives, we will know love.

I'm ahead in the "in love" department, i met my first love at the ripe age of 5 to 6 years old,
I think that's kindergarten age? yeaa?
Anywhoo,
His name was Alex
I spotted him from across the playground at recess.
It was love, or lust at first sight. (or whatever its defined as at that age?)
We played doctor in the dome at the top of the twisty slide.
( & we all know what "doctor" at that age REALLY meant)
We shared many a recesses together,
Then one day, things took a turn for the scandalous.
At lunch, i was opening my fruit cup, and the juice shot out of the lid when i peeled it back (that ALWAYS happens to me) and it hit him right in the eye.
Something changed that day..
Later that day he took my jacket and threw it in the sand box..
We had hit a rough patch in our relationship it seemed.
Before we could "work it out" (keep in mine, its kindergarten)
He moved away, and i have never ever heard from him again.
The End.
That is my tragic love story for you all to read.
Oh, woe is me.
At least no one died...i hope.
If you all are still with me, which I'm assuming most of you aren't, we are at the end of our enlightening experience. By that i mean i wasted a little bit more of your time with my jabbering.
which I'm still currently doing,
but i never know how to end these things.
so, i guess ill leave it with;
Tune in next time?

Every Story Needs A Begining.

Including this one...Where to begin?
I was never the type of kid that kept a diary of my life hidden away under my mattress. I'm more of the kid that gives you a blow by blow description of everything, and i do mean everything, that happened to me during my day, gee aren't my parents lucky?? I would always try to, i really would, the whole day i would think to myself "Oh yes! That's going in my diary when i get home." but when it came down to actually writing things, the most depth i ever reached was something along the lines of "I ate a taco today, it was tasty."
Classic childhood story right?
Right.
At this moment in time your probably thinking to yourself
"Wow, reading that was a few moments of my life i will never get back" I'll apologize to you now.. if anyone is actually reading this.. I'm not a "special" kid, my life is the normal story that..well pretty much every kid in the world has growing up, I grew up in suburbia, am a military brat, go to public high school, and have divorced parents but have not gained "issues" about it. I'm not in the popular clique at my school, nor am i a loner.
So..why did i decide that i should spread my "infinite wisdom" with the world?
Your guess is as good as mine really,
Maybe an introduction is in order.
So here's the low down,
The name is Andrea,
I'm a senior at your average public high school that serves questionable lunches, as every school does.
I'm hopeless with boys, as every girl my age usually is.
(I told you this was a classic story.)
just a few things and then i promise I'm done.
I love acting, play percussion in marching band, and i love being outdoors and playing sports.
I'm blonde too.. That's probably obvious,